From The Huffington Post:
What I’m going to do before telling you about the epic stinker ”Moon People” by Dale M. Courtney is issue a blanket sic statement for the duration of this article. I think that’s important to say before we move forward. Anyway, this is how chapter one of Moon People by Dale M. Courtney opens . . . :
This story begins on a Beautiful sunny day in Daytona Beach Florida With a man by the name of David Braymer. A 45-year-old Single man that works at the local High school as a science teacher and astrology in the 12-grade level. Now he’s been here about 5 years and has become kind of partial to a young lady by the name of Cheral Baskel a local restaurant owner in Daytona Beach. At the moment Cheral’s preparing her restaurant for another Shuttle launch at the cape and everyone always gathers at her place because you can see the launch real good at her place. It’s also on the water and its real close to the cape and she really decks the place out.
You probably have questions. That’s understandable. The wonder of “Moon People” is so great, its folly so staggering, that it jams a reader’s ordinary thought process onto a weird separate track that the brain was never meant to use (also sometimes called an “aneurysm”). It’s only through a careful construction of its pieces that we begin to understand the magnitude of what Courtney has created.
And that’s what makes “Moon People” worse than previous claimants to the Worst Book Ever crown (“How to Avoid Huge Ships,”"Dildo Cay,”"Microwave for One”)–its terribleness extends the way a far-reaching, deep-down conspiracy reaches.
So, let’s start at the beginning. and work our way down the rabbit hole. This is the big kahuna.
“Moon People” is a self-published book from Xlibris released in 2008. (It’s important to note that if you type “xlibris” into google, the fourth suggestion is “xblibris scam”, not to mention that a whole bunch of not-nice things get tossed Xlibris’s way online.) It’s a galactic adventure story with a romance thread to boot. It follows David Braymer, who goes from school teacher to outer-space hero (don’t ask how that transition happens) while stationed on Lunar Base 3, where he finds himself in the middle of the aeons-old war between the benign extraterrestrial Powleens and their malignant enemies, the Arcons.
. . . .
The prose astounds. It is something to be studied (I’m sure you have, but if you haven’t, click the “Look Inside” link on Amazon for the book). Sentences start, seem like they’re going somewhere, but then dead end, calling to my mind The Escalator to Nowhere from The Simpsons. It’s a grammatical train wreck, but somehow Courtney’s spelling is fairly impeccable. At times, it seems like the prose is sniffing around the general area of coherence, only to plunge into complete nonsense (“they woke up starring at each other with a big smile on each other faces”), sort of like the way you would if you had to ad-lib a presentation about dinosaurs, knowing only what you knew about dinosaurs from elementary school. It’s the quarter-competent storytelling going on here that makes the reader’s brain itch, basically having the same effect as “If it wasn’t for my horse, I wouldn’t have spent that year in college.”
Link to the rest at The Huffington Post and thanks to Patricia for the tip.
Before you start worrying too much about how bad indie books will ruin things for everyone, check out The Worst Books of All Time.