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You know what I am going to say

4 February 2016

You know what I am going to say. I love you. What other men may mean when they use that expression, I cannot tell; what I mean is, that I am under the influence of some tremendous attraction which I have resisted in vain, and which overmasters me. You could draw me to fire, you could draw me to water, you could draw me to the gallows, you could draw me to any death, you could draw me to anything I have most avoided, you could draw me to any exposure and disgrace. This and the confusion of my thoughts, so that I am fit for nothing, is what I mean by your being the ruin of me. But if you would return a favourable answer to my offer of myself in marriage, you could draw me to any good – every good – with equal force.

Charles Dickens

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14 Comments to “You know what I am going to say”

  1. Okay.

  2. Wow! The very definition of “hard to say ‘No’ to.

  3. Talk pretty and you got me. Wow.

  4. That doesn’t sound like love to me, it sounds like obsession. I’d run if I were her. How decent a husband did he turn out to be?

    • Love *is* obsession. Passion.
      Anything less is friendship, habit, or as the ancient greeks put it; agape.

      Remember Rex Harrison’s song in My Fair Lady?
      “I’m accustomed to you.”

      In the original play, Eliza knows the difference between love and affection.

      https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agape

      • We have ~very~ different ideas of what love is then. Love sees the other person, obsession sees an object to be possessed. IMO as usual.

        • Enduring relationships tend to start very intense and over time evolve into “milder” deep affection. Relationships that start out merely affectionate… well, 50% divorce rates…

          A lot of people get together out of a need to be with somebody…anybody…and confuse friendship and habit (or sexual attraction) with love. The real thing is rare, often a once in a lifetime thing.

    • Dickens went off his wife when he got obsessed with a young actress, and it all ended badly.

      Dickens wrote to his friend John Forster, “Poor Catherine and I are not made for each other, and there is no help for it. It is not only that she makes me uneasy and unhappy, but that I make her so too—and much more so.”

    • No worries, she didn’t accept, this quote is Bradley Headstone from Our Mutual Friend. And yes, unhealthy obsession was definitely a good description. Super creepy.

      • I looked it up after I made the original comment. Creepy is the right word. And abusive to the one he ended up marrying. I think the woman he wrote the first letter to, whoever she was, dodged a bullet big time. My instincts were better than I knew.

    • Lydia, Wait — what’s that music I’m hearing?

  5. Sounds like typical overanalysis of what should be difficult to analyze, from where I sit. Men sometimes tend to make chemistry way too cerebral.

  6. Maybe he didn’t mean it as such, but it felt like a veiled threat to me: marry me or I might kill myself. This letter felt like an ultimatum, which, had I received it, would have made me uncomfortable.

    Unless…it was from a totally mouth-watering, intelligent and funny guy with whom I was equally obsessed. Then I would have totally been like, “Poor baby, of course I’ll end your pain and marry you!” And little would he have known that his pain was only beginning… Mwahahaha!

    Okay, but really, it’s totally out of context, so… *shrug*

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