Omar Epps on Growing Up Without a Father, Making it as an Actor and Living in Gratitude

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From The Hollywood Reporter:

Omar Epps finished a 15-hour day on set, came home, sat down on the sofa and flipped on the television to catch the latest on CNN.

His wife, Keisha — someone accustomed to the grueling hours required by a career in the entertainment business after having spent years on stage with the R&B girl group Total — asked him to skip the TV and instead spend some time with their young son, Amir, who was in his room.

Epps was tired, his feet hurt and he was hungry.

. . . .

After sneaking in up on his son, he heard Amir making rollercoaster noises. It’s a brief yet sweet moment that 44-year-old Epps details in his debut book’s introduction, the memoir From Fatherless to Fatherhood, and it led to a revelation.

“Parents put their children first,” he writes, as he explains that is not what he experienced growing up. His father abandoned him and his mother, Bonnie, back in Brooklyn decades earlier and he never got to know him. But what Epps learned that night watching his son in his room was that it was time to take a deep dive into his own story to uncover “the depths of the torment and pain I’ve felt toward my father for the lack of his presence in my life,” writes the actor, next seen in the new season of USA’s Shooter.

. . . .

And while the book is an emotional journey of how a fatherless child grew up to own his responsibilities as a father while navigating a successful Hollywood career, the book is also a testament to the power of women and mothers thanks to the influence of Bonnie and Keisha.

He discusses both below, what his mother thinks of the book, how Jay Z influenced his decision to self-publish the book and why his Twitter bio says “A State of Gratitude.”

What is your writing process like? 

Well, it depends on what I’m writing. Like in terms of like screenplays and stuff like that it’s 24/7. But for some reason with the book it was more in the morning when thoughts are fresh. And then editing, that was more evening, you know.

How does it feel having finished your first book and now owning this title of “author”?

It’s a personal accomplishment that I set out to do. So, in that regard I feel proud. And there’s, you know, there’s a business aspect to it too. You know, at the end of the day I do want to sell; I want the book to sell. So, part of it is new to me and it’s like I’m learning on the fly.

. . . .

You write about playing fatherless characters throughout your career. Has it been easy to separate yourself from your characters, or how much did it influence your performances?

It was something that I observed, but it didn’t resonate in the moments, you know. I didn’t look at the character cue or like some of the other characters from an artist perspective. Like oh, they don’t have their father. It was just acknowledging that, you know, but also something that I hadn’t really picked that up in totality until as I was writing the book. If I remember correctly, it was in Love & Basketball that was the only project where the relationship between the father and son is actually explored. But for the rest of them it just was normal, you know.

You have two daughters and a son now. Tell me about the differences in raising boys versus girls.

It’s night and day. I got three different kids, so that’s three different personalities. There is something with girls — at least in my experience — where there’s this innate connection of the father to have with them. They’re calmer when they’re babies, and then now that they’re teenagers and you got a whole different slate of emotions. For years, some of my friends who are older told me just to wait for their teenage years, and I was like, “No, my babies they’re cool.” And woo! What they said was right. With my son, with boys in general, they just have so much energy.

At what age do you’ll give this book to him?

To my son? I mean I guess when he asks, you know. My oldest, she wants to read it. I don’t know if my youngest girl has read it, but she knows what’s in it. And she doesn’t necessarily ask me to read it yet. But she’s the quiet one. So, she might be reading it on her own. My son, you know, I want him to read it when he’s ready.

. . . .

What does your mom think of your book?

She loves it. Yeah, she loves it and she told me she was proud of me, which obviously, you know, makes my heart smile because at the end of the day, you know, I would want — I would — I need her to feel good about me, you know. And yeah, she’s proud.

Why did you self-publish?

Jay Z did an interview and he was asked about his first album. He said that he lived his life to write that album. I feel the same way about this. I can live my life to write this. I took the proposal around town, but I wanted to self publish from the beginning because I just had a vision. I listened to the team around me and I, thankfully, had an offer at one point. But the business side of it made no sense to me because this is not fiction. This is my story. And in my opinion, this is where the publishing business is right now. So why not gamble on myself and use the direct to consumer line, you know.

Link to the rest at The Hollywood Reporter