7 Totally Epic Rules For Writing on the Internet
Particularly applicable for sites with advertising from Patheos:
1. A prostitute has sex for money. Internet-writers write about sex for money. Try your utmost to remember the difference between your writing and prostitution.
. . . .
5. An Internet-writer is judged on his ability to fulfill the promise of gratification hyperbolically stated at the beginning of his work. If you find it difficult to make your writing immediately gratifying, consider that it is the same thing as making your writing immediately forgettable. As a pear on the very verge of rot smells immediately sweet, as the lively kicking of the mortally ill is only an assurance of their final stiffening, and as the immediacy of the fashion trend is a promise that it will not transcend its own fashionability, so the immediacy of pleasure promised by an Internet-article is dialectically the promise that the article is on its road to death. If your writing is good because it gratifies a drive for novelty, promising “Things You Wish You Knew About ______,” then it must become bad in the reading which renders it old, the “Things You Wish You Knew” known. No one re-reads their favorite BuzzFeed articles — they are killed in the reading, and a good Internet-writer is known by the popular corpses he leaves in his strut.
. . . .
7. Given a choice between stimulating the interest of a million people or ennobling the life of one, the former pays. Write then, for the crowd. To the extent a writer wants to engage not the particular person, but the crowd, is the extent to which he must destroy the personality of his own writing. For personality in writing is an invitation to personal relation, by which the reader encounters your writing as splaying outwards from an unrepeatable first-person perspective of the Cosmos. This encounter is not to be understood in an autobiographical sense, as when the reader leaves a work knowing things about the writer. To read Dostoyevsky is to encounter the unique person which is always the source of his work, a deeper encounter than any factual information about Dostoyevsky can provide.
Link to the rest at Patheos and thanks to Rick for the tip.
, Amazon will pay Passive Guy a small affiliate commission on any of your purchases. 
#8, Ensure the title has a number in it, and make a half a$$ed attempt to organize your thoughts to match.
Pretty fun and true. Though a couple of sentences seem to have knots in them.
Keywords are also important, which is why I’m drinking Coke Zero which I bought using Penny Stocks which I flipped for cheap after investing in Cheap Discount Pharmaceuticals while using my Apple iPad Mini Retina Display which I bought at a Bargain Basement Discount Coupon Sale on an Epic Electronics Tablets Smartphones Deals Website managed by Hot Female College Students In Bikinis.
Also, GIFs. It’s not internet writing without GIFs.
#1 – Is that the difference between my writing and prostitution, or is it the difference between my writing and my prostitution.
Please be satirical, please oh please…
Like! (Although I don’t read Dostoyevsky.)
Amusing post. And thank goodness I don’t have any ads on my blog. I’ve been approached, but no.
I already get too much “drive by” traffic because of my post on lacto-fermented corn. I’m sure the folks seeking a recipe for moonshine are vastly disappointed by their brief visits to my site. No such to be found.
To encounter my blog is to encounter the unique J.M. Ney-Grimm.
Just in case the reference to lacto-fermented corn has maddened your curiosity
(and if PG will permit the link):
http://jmney-grimm.com/2013/07/lacto-fermented-corn/
:: laughing ::
Thank you for that! I had a head full of question marks when my eyes hit “lacto-fermented corn.”
Learned something new today.
LOL! You’re very welcome. Judging by my page views, you were not the only curious one!