From Writers in the Storm:
1. Minimize dialogue tags.
Sometimes you need a “he said” or “she asked,” but oftentimes you don’t need a dialogue tag at all. You can show who’s speaking by having the character do or feel something before or after the part in quotes.
Before
“There she is!” my father announced, and my family exploded with excitement.
“Faye!” they all greeted me, and my two nieces, seven and four years old, dropped their Candy Land game and surged toward me. They hugged my torso with exclamations of “Auntie Faye!”
I was glad to see everyone, but suspicious too. Why were they here?
“Hey, girls!” I scooped each niece into a cozy embrace, and their soft curls tickled my nose.
“For our guest of honor,” my mother said, handing me a crystal chalice.
After
My father stood front and center. “There she is!”
“Faye!” My name reached the rafters in a chorus of excitement.
My two nieces dropped their Candy Land game, surged toward me, and hugged my waist. “Auntie Faye! Auntie Faye!”
I was glad to see everyone, but suspicious too. Why was my entire family here?
“Hey, girls!” I scooped each niece into a cozy embrace, and their soft curls tickled my nose.
My mother handed me a crystal chalice. “For our guest of honor.”
. . . .
Avoiding tags when possible is a better use of your word count, helps with flow, and deepens POV.
2. Use body language, tone, and internal thought for subtext.
The spots outside and around quotation marks are prime real estate for deepening character and plot. After all, what do we do when we’re in conversation with others? We mentally process our thoughts and their words. We have visceral reactions to the content, tone, and body language of others. We give background for why we’re perceiving things as we do.
Before
“It’s got to be better than before, when it was impossible to live up to the Nickie Gold Standard,” Karyn says.
“Nickie sucks out every bit of energy my parents have,” I answer. “They barely know I’m alive.”
“So no perks? Nothing?” Karyn fishes for a way to spark my optimism or at least my snark.
“Well,” I say, “Nickie did tell me I can take just about anything from her old wardrobe.”
After
“It’s got to be better than before, when it was impossible to live up to the Nickie Gold Standard.” Karyn air-quotes those last words, like they’re a brand.
Actually, the way things were before sounds pretty good. “Nickie sucks out every bit of energy my parents have. They barely know I’m alive.”
“So no perks? Nothing?” Karyn fishes for a way to spark my optimism or at least my snark. I feel for her. This wilting version of me isn’t exactly a TARDIS-full of fun.
“Well,” I say, looking for any silver lining, no matter how tarnished. “Nickie did tell me I can take just about anything from her old wardrobe.”
. . . .
Create tension and help the reader learn more about your characters with subtext—the unspoken part of the conversation.
3. Make sure the reader knows who’s talking!
When I’m copyediting, one of the most common comments I add in the margin is “Who’s talking here?” Without proper cues, it’s easy to lose track of who the speaker is. That’s even more likely to become an issue when dialogue goes back and forth for a while between or among speakers.
Before
DeDe strolled into sight, sporting a tangerine bikini on her tanned body. “Yeah, good thing you were there,” she drolled. “Can we get back in the pool now?” Her mother pursed her lips and cocked her head. A show of disapproval.
“I’m glad you’re okay. Justin was really worried when he first brought you in.”
As if she’d filled her obligation, she turned back to her mom, raised her eyebrows in question, and received a curt nod of dismissal. And permission apparently, because she sashayed out of the room and I heard the sliding door to the backyard open and close.
“Don’t mind DeDe. She’s trying to make new friends. New kid on the block, you know?”
After
DeDe strolled into sight, sporting a tangerine bikini on her tanned body. “Yeah, good thing you were there,” she drawled. “Can we get back in the pool now?”¶
Her mother pursed her lips and cocked her head. A show of disapproval.¶
DeDe forced a smile onto her face and turned to me. “I’m glad you’re okay. Justin was really worried when he first brought you in.”
As if she’d filled her obligation, she turned back to her mom, raised her eyebrows in question, and received a curt nod of dismissal. And permission apparently, because she sashayed out of the room and I heard the sliding door to the backyard open and close.
“Don’t mind my sister.” Justin gestured toward her exit with his head. “She’s trying to make new friends. New kid on the block, you know?”
. . . .
Make sure the speaker’s identity is clear by ensuring the character’s names or pronouns are periodically mentioned, by giving characters distinct voices, and by creating a new paragraph each time the speaking stick is passed, so to speak.
Link to the rest at Writers in the Storm