9 thoughts on “Here is a lesson in creative writing”

  1. If something is genuinely hermaphroditic, i.e. having the reproductive functions of both sexes, how can it possibly be transvestite? No matter which sex it dresses as (assuming it wears clothes at all), it is dressed appropriately for one of its sets of plumbing. The metaphor is as muddled as the message is wrong.

    Meanwhile, I shall go on using semicolons whenever I please, joyfully, vengefully, and taking a petty, mean-spirited satisfaction in any distress I may be causing to Kurt Vonnegut’s unsainted ghost. I respect semicolons; I know what they are for; I wrangle them expertly, and have no pity for any goof who can’t be arsed to learn how. And I did not have to attend any college to learn, so Vonnegut is wrong there, too.

    Vonnegut. I don’t understand why people use semicolons, so they must be dumb!
    Me. Nertz to you, ignoramus!

  2. One wonders what Mr Vonnegut thought of the writing of Prof. Vladimir Nabakov; or of Prof. J.R.R. Tolkein; or of Prof. C.S. Lewis; or of Prof. Raymond Williams; or of Prof. Toni Morrison; or of Prof. Joyce Carol Oates; or of Prof. Isaac Asimov; or… Well, let’s just say that there are (if I am counting correctly) fourteen college-and-above-level degrees among those seven creative writers; and I’m I’m counting incorrectly, there are more, not less.

    Sadly, I am giving away my eleven years of higher education; my non-English background, because American English as the ne plus ultra of creative writing is beneath my scholarly mien; my ability to actually use all of the characters on a standard Roman-alphabet typewriter keyboard, which I was capable of doing before college; and, perhaps most of all, my limbering-up exercises for the annual Bulwer-Lytton contest.

  3. I use semi-colons; one of the better punctuation marks. Kurt Vonnegut didn’t like what he didn’t like. I don’t like what I don’t like. The rest of the world can like what they like.

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